Walking on a Wire

Debate.

2012-02-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

The mac vs. pc debate.

I couldn't care less. Stop shoving it down my throat either way. Let people be and like whatever they're gonna like.

The end.

This picture is magical.

Helicowgirl!

2012-02-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

Latest and greatest update.

I have finally discovered what I want to be when I grow up! And, I really, really want this.

A Helicopter Cowgirl!

This could be me!!

I will herd cattle with a helicopter and if that doesn't work, I will herd them on an ATV. I cannot think of a more perfect or fantastic lifestyle. This type of work is typically found in Australia and I'm okay living there to pursue my helicopter cowgirl dream.

It's going to be incredible.

You'll see.

2012-01-25T15:09:00.000-08:00

Blogspot keeps a tracking record of how many people look at my blog-of-gold. This is wonderfully suited to boost my vanity. I was surprisingly popular in July of 2011. While I’m not certain how blogspot knew of my happenings, I’m happy to report that I was, indeed, particularly extraordinary in July.

If I were clever I would write a brilliantly witty list of the reasons why and/or how blogspot knew of my whereabouts last summer but my extraordinary sense of laziness prevails over my wit.

And now, because the internet has become overrun with cats, I will leave you with this picture of a cat about to be cat-scanned. CAT SCANNED! I love it.

2012-01-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

I used to enjoy writing.

I should be sleeping. I have, however, been banned from sleep aids and am suffering from the reoccurring sleep difficulty and am now turning to a healthy and perhaps helpful (?) activity. Success pending.

I figure it’s not too late to jump on the 2012 New Year Resolution bandwagon. I like doing what other people do. I also like lists. This is a happy combination of the two.

Behold: Resolutions!

1. Become unrecognizably thin. I’m saying, like 84 pounds. I’m thinking that if the wind blows and my spine breaks, I’ve accomplished said goal.

2. Expand my bank account. Wait, hold the damn phone, I didn’t say which direction. I’ll just let my reader(s) wonder. I adore remaining a mystery.

3. Travel. I have been aching to explore West Virginia. The Appalachian accent just brings me to my knees. I love having to have subtitles and a translator readily available whenever I leave my beautiful mountainous accent. Part II of this goal: find an Appalachian man. I’m impartial if it’s for keepsies or for funsies; either way works for me.

4. Get in the Guinness Book of World records for holding the most records. Step one: break a record.

5. Learn. Specifically, learn the didgeridoo. Correction, learn how to spell didgeridoo without having to look it up.

6. Make a guest appearance in a Disney/Pixar film. Or star in one. I’m not picky.

7. I think it’s important to learn all the words to the Harry Potter IV soundtrack. I believe 2012 is the perfect year.

8. Knit a horse. A real one.

9. I also am going to master a backflip off of K-2 and land in Nepal. I learned how to do a proper back flip in 2011 and I think I’m going to expound upon this newly acquired skill.

Nine goals seem perfectly reasonable. I don’t want to overwhelm myself with overdoing it.

I fully expect for 2012 to be just as wonderful and joyful as the previous year, if not better.

And now I will leave with these pictures.

This was a particularly delightful Winyl and Cheetos were unceremoniously shoved in my mouth. I don't seem all that upset about it.

These humans happen to be some of my favorites. I am surrounded by the most incredible humans on the planet. I will fight those who disagree and I will win.

This is how I choose to spend my time, now-a-days. I love it. No sarcasm; just happiness. I am anxiously anticipating summer's return.

And finally, because this boy is, and will always be, the love of my life, I am including a picture of my heart's joy.

How unlike me to include picture of my real life. Apparently I am so in love with this past year and all of the wonderful people (except those who really sucked) in it who contributed to this undeniable kick ass existence.

Damn yeah!

2011-02-14T14:42:00.001-08:00

Arcade Fire. "Suburbs" 2010. Hells to the yeah.

Let's talk about how much I love how Arcade Fire's "Suburbs" won Album of the Year. Let's face it: this album was outstanding. Truly. And I'm not saying this because I have a particular soft spot for obscure underdogs. Nor am I happy for this "upset" because I don't like the Beibs, Ms. Gaga, or Katie Perry or all the rest of the catchy pop bands. I don't hate them, their music is super catchy and as my sister often reminds me, a fierce beat tends to be my vice. I even like some of the songs from the train-wreck human, Eminem. Simply, Arcade Fire outshines them all. (I'd put this album in my top 3 for 2010)

I am a giant fan of this revolving door of musical absurdity/brilliance Canadian/Haitian band. And, for once, I'm so appreciative that mainstream music academies have taken notice of music talent as opposed to popularity. It won't last, of course, but for now I'm okay with this brief moment of respect to the music instead of the numbers. Also Muse took home a win as well as a pretty awesome performance of rock-awesomeness. The Bro-hah would have approved.

Congratulations Grammys. I give this year's festival of celebrity ridiculousness two thumbs up.

Post Script: I do love (read: sarcasm) how this news dominates today's news sites. As opposed to Tehran. Tennessee. Or the newly revealed Obama administration budget cuts (which seem reasonable...maybe). Go 'Merica!

Eternal Sunshine

2010-11-29T11:19:00.000-08:00

What's this!? Could this finally be true?

The real question is: if the opportunity presented itself, would I chose this option? Would forgetting it all make it easier?

Answer: No. While this particular hangover lingers in the most uncomfortable and undesirable manner, I don't think I could bring myself to do it. I've seen the movie. I know what happens. Ultimately the positive outweighs the negative.

When the hell did I turn into an optimist? Nah, it comes and goes and the cynicism will forever remain.

Thank you CNN.com for posting this article instead of yet another political blurb over another post about the ever annoying Ms. Palin, the anti-Christ Cheney or any of their Republican cronies. Granted, dig a little, and one can find yet another article about the "newsworthy" political constants.

**It should be noted that I do not agree with the article's author slight against The Science of Sleep. I think that was a beautiful film.

"Modern (wo)Man"

2010-08-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

With a broken heart I have to admit defeat and say goodbye to my dream school, University of Texas at Austin. Despite an acceptance letter to both the school and my program of choice, I simply cannot afford the top 30 school, even with loans and grants, and will not be attending said dream school.

There were tears.

So, now, I have to eat about every word I've ever uttered and suck up all pride and cruise through the local university, the one I swore wasn't worth my time of day. It's a sickeningly humbling experience. One I'm not proud of.

Anyway, because of 18 year old stupidity, USU isn't sure I'm the correct student for them (even though I am transferring with a 3.8 GPA and a glorious acceptance to a TOP 30 SCHOOL) and am required to write an ass kissing letter of why I failed when I was young(er) and dumb(er). My question is this: Am I allowed to brag that a top school wanted me? Or is that just kicking a dead horse?

Oh well, hopefully with an insane course load, extensive study abroad, and amazingly glorious grades, I will be able to obtain some sort of financial aid to cover getting my Masters at University of Texas. It's simply not enough to have a just Bachelor these days and I'm much more willing to go in debt for a Masters.

Sigh. Being an adult sucks.

Still, being in Utah isn't all that bad. The concerts that are approaching are reason enough (oh, and the friends and family).

Oh, Canada

2010-07-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Blog update.
Fanfare.

Now that I've watched the "Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows" preview a few times I can really focus my attention on blogging. Yes, waiting for that preview is the sole reason I have neglected my internet duties for a few months. Naturally.

I have ended a chapter of my life today and will shortly start a new one. In the interim, I've decided to blog about well, stuff. Hence, blogging.

After a fiesta-themed send off at work, complete with pinata, cerveza, and flan, I am officially homeless and unemployed. In my trek to my next destination I'm making a detour in Canada. Edmonton, to be exact. Commence: Reunion Party 2010.

University of Texas at Austin is a go. The move will take place in August. Awesome times a million. Seriously.

Customs wouldn't stamp my passport. She said "we don't do that here". This made me sad. Luckily I passed without suspicion only to discover Americans drive very slow in comparison to Canadians. It took about a 100 km (look at that, I'm already converting to the metric system) for me to adapt and punch it like a true Canadian. I've also learned what "poutine" is but have not yet tried the, what looks to be a terrifying, gut bomb. I saw my first 'moose caution' sign. And have driven through tiny wooded villages where I was half way expecting to see Harry (from the Henderson variety) emerge. My education grows with each mile. Still, the Canadian Rockies are something to write home, er, blog about.

Crying

2010-04-28T22:39:00.000-07:00

Cryin'
Established: Birth. Literally. And if you didn't cry, you would eventually.

Oh crying. I don't like crying. In fact, I hate it, I become very awkward when others cry and am merciless towards myself when I succumb to tears.

I felt like crying today earlier simply because I'm so frustrated and ultimately bored, but I didn't. Because I don't do that. It's pride. It's foolish. It's how I am.

I haven't cried since she told me to quit it. That was, er, 5 months ago? Not bad. Let's make it 5 more.

And this is how I plan on doing it. When the tears are coming it's time for these simple tricks:
1. This picture of the crying eagle. It. is. amazing.
2. Saved by the Bell. Although this is a risky suggestion because one may cry from laughter/pity.
3. Team America soundtrack. True Story.
4. Buy stuff. I tend to buy things when I'm down. Consequently, I have a lot of random purchases.
5. Talk out loud to yourself. You'll realize how silly you sound when crying and you will likely stop.
6. Wonder/ask why your mother allowed you to appear in public wearing FANNY PACKS! Seriously, Ma?

Hopefully this will help all my teary friends. I live to serve.

M. Taylor

2010-04-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

Every good song should come with a disclaimer.

Dreaming of Revenge

2010-03-14T17:27:00.000-07:00

This is what my life is missing:

I ain't kidding. Although, I do fear if I obtain this beloved daydream I might hop on and never look back.

Ah hell, who are we kidding? I do that anyway, bike or no.

This would make my summer road trip a lot more sexy, however. And since my life is defined by sexy moments, having a bike might just fit. I might even be willing to support a passenger, or better yet, a partner but only as long as we weave in and out of traffic in a highly choreographed manner (similar to the ending of Vegas vacation except with 2 beautiful, loud bikes).

I would happily commit to a Harley.

+Bang Head Here+

2010-02-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

This post will cover the time period from Heartbreak to Present.

Did you know that bodies will exhibit physical manifestations of overwhelming stress? Well, they do. And they're pretty good at it, it seems. I wish I had the option to take heed to what my
body is trying to tell me. I'm simply too damn busy.

Week 1: Depression. But, that's understandable.

Week 2: Lock jaw. Or to be slightly more accurate, TMJ (total malfunction of jaw). Almost two weeks of only being capable of eating semi solids. You wouldn't believe how badly I was craving a good ol' fashioned steak by the end of that ordeal.

Week 3: No sleep. Yup. As was blogged about before. I didn't sleep or when I did, it was fitful and far from restful. I reached a noticeable point of concern amongst my coworkers during this particular week.

Week 4: Asthma cough. An entire week of being on the verge of an asthma attack. This wasn't a cold, per say, just a very annoying, constant lump in my chest.

Week 5: Food betrayal. In my economic decision to bring my lunches from home, I inadvertently poisoned myself. Oh yes, I GAVE myself food poisoning. And then to top it off, I also popped the blood vessels underneath my eyes because I was vomiting too hard. This was, of course, in front of several people on the streets of PDX, as I simply opened the car door when my incredibly sweet coworker, who was kind enough to drive me home, pulled over, cutting off traffic.

Oh jeez. One wonders what next week will bring. A full on heart attack? I've never had one of those before. My hair falling out? 34567324456 cold sores? Oh yeah, been there, done that
one.

I dread what comes next.

Updated Reading List

2010-02-13T13:45:00.000-08:00

Book Time:

My last journal brought a new habit: a record of all books read. I've finished this journal. The record keeping still continues, but I thought I'd share what I'd come across from January 8, 2008 through January 30, 2010.

Some of them are fitting. Some are not. Just as some where good while others weren't.

Read while in Abu Dhabi (2008):
**Girls of Riyadh - Rajaa Alsanea
**Mayada; Daughter of Iraq - Jean Sasson
**Princess - Jean Sasson
Daughters of Arabia - Jean Sasson
Desert Royal - Jean Sasson
Brida - Paulo Coehlo
**On Chensil Beach - Ian McEwan
**The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
A Million Little Pieces - James Frey

Read while in Portland 2008-Present:
**I am America, and So Can You - Stephen Colbert n' Crew
**Night of the Avenging Blowfish - John Welter
**High Fidelity - Nick Hornby
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggars
Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut
**Atonement - Ian McEwan
**Everything is Illuminated - Jonathon Safran Foer
**The Year of Living Biblically - A.J. Jacobs
**The Road - Coric McCarthy
**A Man Without A Country - Kurt Vonnegut
**Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal - Christopher Moore
The Watchmen - Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove - Christopher Moore
The Words of Every Song - Liz Moore
Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Manquiz
Bloodsucking Fiends - Christopher Moore
You Suck - Christopher Moore
**Three Cups of Tea - Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrew Neffenegger
**Slapstick - Kurt Vonnegut
**The Book Theif - Markus Zusak
**Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
**The Winner Stands Alone - Paulo Coehlo
**Wicked - Gregory Maguire
**Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut
**Look Me In the Eye - John Elder Robinson
**Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card
Son of a Witch - Gregory Maguire
**The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
Talk Talk - T.C. Boyle
Startled by his Furry Shorts - Louise Rennison
**Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathon Safron Foer
Shutter Island - Dennis Lehane
A Lion Among Men - Gregory Maguire
Sex, Drugs, and Coco Puffs - Chuck Klosterman
Hiroshima; Why America Dropped the Atomic Bomb - Ronald Takaki
War is a Force that Gives Us Meaning - Chris Hedges
**Blankets - Craig Thompson
City of Widows - Haifa Zangana
**Jonathon Strange and Mr Norrel - Susanna Clarke
Coyote Blue - Christopher Moore

**Highly, Highly Recommended

While I'd recommend most of these books there are a few that are truly worth looking into. I, surprisingly, won't give my opinion on them as they need to be read and analyzed on a personal basis and I don't want to corrupt that. However, if anyone wants an opinion, I'm happy to share. Otherwise, use this as a possible guideline for any future reading endeavors.

5.36 AM

2010-02-01T05:31:00.000-08:00

If the heading and picture simply aren't enough to inform you that I'm not sleeping I shall further expound upon that simple fact by writing a meaningless and perhaps rambley blog.

Oh yes, this is sure to put me right out.

Did you know that even websites go to sleep? 'Tis true. I am currently unable to access my homework website due to the site's 'off hours'. I say, if I have to be awake and this most unholy hour so should my homework websites.

Reading doesn't work. Lying there definitely doesn't work. I have yet to succumb to taking a hammer to my brain to shut the damn thing off. That's next.

Oh jeez, I have to be up in an hour and a half. This is going to be one painful day. Let's just hope nothing too excruciating comes up because I might be unable to function. Oh hell, who are we kidding? I work in law, of course something is going to come up.

I will now accept your pity. This is rare so take advantage, go on, let the pitying commence.

Oy Vey

2010-01-24T00:57:00.000-08:00

Iraqi Feminism. Exploitation of the citizens of oil producing states. Challenging gendering roles. Middle Eastern resource development. German grammar. An extenuating statement of purpose. Issues of personal importance. Personalization. Body images.

My academic to-do list reads like a laundry list of exhaustion. Naturally combined with infinite daydreaming and the rest of the menial tasks that are proof that I'm still here.

I have some money saved. At this point, I'm willing to hire a ghost writer (excluding, of course, the one who wrote "Going Rogue" as I still want to appear semi-intelligent). This way I can continue with the daydreaming and focus on sleeping, eating, and adventuring.

Musings.

2010-01-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

I've started living in the past again. A very brief past. It seems as though nothing can keep me here, keep me steady.

I don't thrive on chaos. I create it; whether it be intentional or otherwise is irrelevant. It simply is.

My definitions of boredom and loneliness are often intertwined. It's usually boredom. Today, today belongs to loneliness.

My circle grows smaller and smaller and I am stretched thinner and thinner with fewer safety nets to fall into. I can only think of one person who can truly catch me and I only allow myself to fall bi-annually. I can't exhaust my resources so early into the year. January has always been, and will always be a trial for me.

This overly personal post belongs to someone who disappeared long ago, but is making an appearance today over a sentimental cup of Earl Grey.

It's likely I'll delete this once Direction returns.

Shaving.

2009-12-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

Shaving.
Established: When humans stopped realizing they were apes. (A sad, sad day)

First let it be realized that this lady in my picture looks to be in pain. I think she is shaving incorrectly. Also, I've never shaved with two razors before. That seems like a wonderful way of utilizing time. I think a lady with two razors should evolve to shave both legs at the same time. Now that would really save some time. Come on, ladies! We are busy 21st century women who don't have the time to sit down (or stand, whatever your preference may be) and shave!

I don't think I'm coordinated for such a feat. I shall leave this task to my much nimbler female sisters and simply hire someone to shave for me. That's a much more American approach anyhow.

How was I unaware that November is "No shave November" or "Novembeard" for our fellow friends?! This is a travesty. Today is December 5, which means I have to wait a whole year to celebrate this festive tradition.

Shaving is a pain. Sometimes literally. Yes, it looks nice. Yes, it feels great. But come on, it ain't fun. And there has to be an evolutionary purpose for hair, right? Right, to keep us warm in these sub-arctic temperatures. Too bad I shave off all my warmth and freeze to death. It seems our bodies evolve but our minds don't.

This however doesn't mean I'll stop. I just enjoy a good excuse for a whine.

Oh yes, it should be known that I should be studying for my finals. It seems when it comes down to the wire I will look for an excuse, any excuse, including updating a blog, not to study.
Eh, wish me luck this upcoming week!

Radiohead

2009-11-26T19:13:00.000-08:00

Radiohead.

Formed: 1985!

Radiohead equals my dream man.

Why? one might ask. Well, dear friends I shall inform you.

1. Uh, have you listened to Radiohead?

2. They are so, so odd.

3. Brilliant.

4. Johnny Greenwood.

5. Thom Yorke is an insomniac. That would work for us.

6. Longevity. You know they won't be leaving.

7. Anyone who creates "Kid A" or "OK Computer" or "The Bends" or "In Rainbows" is totally a dreamboat.

8. True love lives on lollipops and crisps.

Dear Radiohead,

Be mine forever. Seriously.

Love,

Jess

JAM

2009-10-09T20:01:00.000-07:00

Let's not kid ourselves.

Love = Jim & Pam.

Heath care Reform

2009-09-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Before all of my six readers get the wrong idea that I've found some cooler place to share my gems of wisdom to a more grateful audience, I must admit that I simply haven't felt like writing. But, for the moment and in the midst of the breakdown of politics, media, entertainment and everything we've grown accustomed to I will throw down my lowly opinion of what the hell is wrong with all of this.

It's already been established that I'm no fan of conservatism. The only way is action is performed is by someone taking action and ultimately changing something. I am baffled by the thought that anyone in this country could look at how we stand right now and think this is okay. That's a topic for another day.

I will try and stick with health care. I am insanely passionate about this issue for many reasons:
1. Personal reasons. Having gone without US health insurance for 5 years takes a toll.
2. Family reasons. Watching my family suffer for medical reasons that should have been preventable and/or treatable WITHOUT having to take a second job or another loan.
3. International travel. I've had witnessed, first hand, how people should be taken care of within their countries.
4. For some inexplicable reason I still have hope for this godforsaken country that I live in. Despite my cynicism I deeply believe that if everyone gets their heads out of their asses, change is possible and not as radical as most people fear.
5. I am angry, extremely angry that it's reached this.

Let is be known that my stance on this issues is that without a doubt, without a moment's hesitation that everyone should be insured. Every life is valuable no matter who your parents were or what decisions they made. Heath care is a right, not a privilege. Period.

Great. I get that my stance is idealistic. I believe in the President's plan because it's the first time in my memory that someone of power has actually had the balls to stand up for this issue. I get that he's human, and subject to corruption and misinterpretation. But at least he's trying which is more than I can say for anyone else.

What are the fears? Money. Change. Money. Change. Money. Change. Money.

Money runs the world. Adapting health care is going to raise the taxes in such a way that normal people are going to be paying, in addition to welfare and similar programs, for the ungrateful poor to ride on the governments "free health care" program. Private practice will be going out of business and we will have a communist government that rules the world. False. It will just keep the system honest by providing a sort of checks and balance. How is this idea any different from public and private universities? They seem to exist peacefully.

-{Gasp? Did I just mention the blackest of all political words? Communist? So it's okay to refer to out Commander in Chief as Hitler spreading his indoctrination, call him a socialist at every desire he has to improve the lives of Americans, and scream at him during a Congressional Address. What is wrong with my country?!}-

Here are your facts. As of right now 16% of American income taxes are spent on health care. That is the highest percentage in EVERY high income country in the world. The next closest is Canada with 10.5% being spent on health care.

And with that extra 5.5% we have no better outcomes than any other country, in fact most people with money go overseas for radical treatment.

America is also the only high income country to not have insurance available to EVERY citizen.

Let's just nix education and we are well on our way to becoming a 2nd or 3rd world country.

Let's make is personal, shall we?
Because it's okay if the ungrateful leeches of society are forgotten and uninsured but if you work hard enough it should be available to you, right? It's just a matter of wanting it.

*Haven't been insured in 5 years.
*Haven't been to a doctor or dentist in 5 years.
*Haven't had my kidney's checked from that time that my urine was black after that particularly bad episode of Strep Throat.
*Haven't had my chest diagnosed since my Sophomore year of High School concerning that "Inflammation of the Chest Wall" which I should have grown out of by the time I was 18 or so and still plagues me regularly.
*Haven't been in for a check up or any sort of preventative measure in years.
*Haven't had any of the cysts that dot my body removed.

Simply breaking a bone would bankrupt me.

Real enough for you? But that's just me. I deserve all this, right? Because it's my own damn fault for being so lazy to not get this taken care of. Or for my own parents fault for not getting better jobs or having fewer children, right? Because in America, land of the free, not every life is valuable. Only those who deserve it.

Concert Guidlines-nay, rules.

2009-07-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

The Rules of A Rock Concert:

How is it that everyone seems to be aware of the unwritten rules when it comes to a concert going experience but there are still those people who are either ignorant of such etiquette or are stupid enough to think they are the sole exception?

Here are some suggestions to avoid blatant mockery by the true music connoisseur:

1. Don't listen to the band on the way to the show. It's bad luck. It is acceptable to listen to the albums of the bands afterward. Only then is it acceptable to compare live vs. studio.

2. Don't vocalize a desire for the band to play a particular song. Chances are you'll jinx the band and they won't play the song only leaving you slightly disappointed even if the show was a brilliant success.

3. DO NOT WEAR THE BAND'S T-SHIRTS. I cannot emphasize this enough. It is tacky. You only look like you have something to prove. It's as if you're trying to say you're a bigger fan than the dude in his regular t-shirt, jeans, and chucks because you went out and bought the merch and wore it to the show! Perhaps even the band will see you and praise your good taste. False. This will never happen. You only look like a fool.

4. Please, for the love of everything holy, don't bring your small babies to shows. It only proves you're a bad parent. And it annoys the shit out of everyone around you. Find a freaking babysitter. Or just listen to the album in the comfort of your own home.

5. Hey Drunkie-McDrunkhead: SHUT THE HELL UP! We came to hear the band, not you.

6. Cell phones? Really? You paid all this money to see a band live only to chat away during the whole show?

7. Don't you just love those people who feel the need to hold conversations during the ENTIRE set? Yeah, don't be that idiot.

8. Heels? Are you freaking kidding me?

9. Don't try too hard. It shows. And we make fun of you.

10. Enjoy yourself. Sing along. Dance. Get into it. Don't go to shows if you don't enjoy the environment.

11. Don't smoke. We're packed in there already and no one wants to be pushed against you and your stink.

12. Occasional public displays of affection are acceptable. There are times when a hug/kiss is necessary when sharing the excitement of a particular song but, please, keep it PG. You don't like watching couples fondle each other and neither do we.

You're welcome.
It's lucky you all have me in your life to steer you all in the right direction. With me by your side (online) you certainly can't go wrong.

Church Message Boards

2009-07-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Established: Florescent light+motivation/threat+Christ= this little gem.
*Sister gets an author credit. She knows why.

It's a good thing I'm not easily swayed by cheesy gimmicks otherwise I might be apart of a new religion every day! You may chalk this one up to my strong sense of self as I find is very difficult to ignore a brightly lit sign with semi motivational/semi threatening sayings as I am driving to and from work.

As if organized religion wasn't already attempting to attack new people at every corner, they are now (I say that as if this is a new thing) shouting it from busy street corners, protesting parades, handing out flyers, and screaming at you from billboards.

I would love to see if there are actual people who are intrigued by the rhyme and eventually convert to whichever church has the catchiest billboard. There must be statistics out there somewhere! Now that would be something worth studying in statistics. I might even pay attention to something like that.

Anyway it's a good thing I find all these Jesus related threats amusing. Weaker souls probably
arent' as lucky.

Ahh, I'm probably just saying all this because I'm not clever enough to come up with "God Answers Knee Mail" on my own. Genius! They may have a convert in my afterall!!

Can You Hit The Spot?

2009-06-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

Is anyone ever really satisfied? Or am I the only one constantly suffering from the desire for there to be more?

I ache for change.

Ah, my triumphant return to blogging.

Love Letters

2009-05-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

Behold: a collection of letters of affection (or maybe not). You may choose your favorite.

Dear Headache,
Please go away. You are not my friend.
Love,
Jess

Dear Groceries,
Please be in my cupboard and not in the store. You are much more useful to me when you are not so far away.
Love, Jess

Dear Ma,
Let's avoid the cliches of making a tribute for you. I think you're neat, but you already know that.
Love,
Jess

Dear Landlord,
My feelings are still hurt that you had to re-mow the lawn after I spend an hour or two attempting to hack down the mini forest. Admittedly, it does look better now.
Love,
Jess

Dear Money,
Why can't there be more of you in my bank account?
Love,
Jess

Dear PSU,
Stop being so difficult.
Sincerely,
Jess
(Not a letter of affection)

Dear Genius Playlist and Pandora,
I am so in love with your brilliance. Please never go away. Although I am not a fan that Pandora does not play overseas. That is a lame feature and should be changed.
Love,
Jess

Sometimes it's more effective to talk in such a manner. People usually respond better when you tack on a "love, Jess" a the end of a demand or suggestion.

Censorship

2009-04-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

I WILL NEVER CENSOR MYSELF.
Sorry, lady (except I'm not sorry at all)

I'm opinionated. I curse more than a sailor. I dress how I please. I write what I'm thinking. I eat what is good. I read what catches my attention. I listen to a lot. I'm very liberal.

If you jerk-faces don't like it you can just move to the South and become a Gospel Singer who is (shockingly) an alto.

Phantom of the Opera

2009-04-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Specifically the 1986 version by Andrew Lloyd Weber.

Likely the most influential album of my life, Phantom of the Opera remains one of my favorite pieces of art, ever. There are few words to describe how much I love this musical. Probably more than most people in my life. Sad, but true.

I am biased against every recording save the original London cast with Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford, and with good reason. Every other version is forgettable. Do not mention that craptacular waste of a movie to me.

I have distinct memories of listening to this album on the stereo with humongous headphones and coloring...maybe I was singing along, I don't remember. I just remember it had to be playing all the time. It might be said this is the first album in which I knew all the lyrics to. Over 20 years later, and I still can easily sing along.

Having only seen the production live once, for my 18th birthday (ignoring the devastating missed opportunity when I was much smaller where I lost half my body weight in tears) it is high time I saw it again, unfortunately it is only playing for 2 more days in Missouri (what the hell is in Missouri?) before heading further east. This breaks my heart.

In more Phantom news...there appears to be a musical sequel in the making-Phantom: Love Never Dies also penned by Andrew Lloyd Weber to be performed late this year. I remain hugely skeptical but a tiny bit excited.

I love this play. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about it. This is not a critique because I am far too biased to be fair. But, let's be honest here, it warrants no criticism (not this version).

Personal Bubble

2009-04-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

Established: Mmmm, I'd say late 2005.

Personal space.
Seriously back off.
If I can smell your breath, you're too close.
If I can see your pores, you're too close.
If I can see the fibers of your shirt, you're really too close.

There are rules to be followed. I'm a bigger rule breaker than most but this is one that I think needs to be paid more attention to.

-Do NOT get into people's faces
-Do NOT hug unnecessarily
-Do NOT assume there will be cuddling or hand holding
-Do NOT touch any longer than briefly and, of course, only appropriately
-Do NOT lean on strangers

Let it be known that your point is not any more proven by only standing 4" away from me. In fact, it only discredits your stupid opinion. It doesn't make you any more witty to stand too close. Wit is with words, think of some.

High Fives are a lovely alternative. Please use them instead.

If you have any further questions please consult this convenient guide. God bless our 'merican public school system.

Tagged?

2009-03-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

So I've been tagged. Usually this kind of thing annoys me, but since my Ma is the one doing the tagging, I can't very well ignore it, can I? Otherwise she might never say "shit balls" again or run around with a helmet, hammer, and glow in the dark vest claiming she has the training to save us when the apocalypse comes (but she won't be able to feed us, which is another story) and losing that, dear friends, would be a real crime.

So folks, here is a 6th photo from a 6th file from a 6th sub folder entitled: Die Schweiz. I took it in the summer of 2006 while wandering around Zurich. It's not the best, but apparently the 6th photo is the golden ticket.

Reading Time:

2009-03-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

Based on how often I write about my literary adventures I might have given the impression I don't read very often. Despite my lack of blogification, I still tend to pick up a book now and then and recently been reading such good books I felt they needed to be recommended.

So here's the low down:
(Books that everyone should read)

*Everything is Illuminated by Jonathon Safran Foer.

This book was funny, smart, engaging, insightful, heart-wrenching (I hate that term, but this book really was) clever and extremely well written. This isn't a light hearted romance you can read on your way to work (for you commuters, not drivers!) as you do need to pay attention. It jumps around a lot between past and present and two different narrators. Part of it is written from the point of view of a young Ukrainian with poor English skills...and it's phonetically written that way. It's difficult to explain, but it's brilliant and often humorous. Read this book, it's great. Then watch the movie. Surprisingly, the movie isn't a disappointment,

* The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs

Holy crap was this book amusing. I honestly would love to listen to this guy in real life. He probably is one of the most eccentric dudes out there. Well, maybe not the most, but certainly entertaining. And what do you know, he actually mentions the aforementioned author Safran Foer in this book. See? Even authors like my taste. This guy goes on an adventure (and takes his family along for the ride) to live according to the bible. Literally. For an entire year. The year is well documented and references cited. He divides up his time between the Old and New Testament and would abide by even the most ridiculous Bible rules (not being allowed to sit or touch a woman who might be on her cycle...thus he often would not touch any woman, as how are you supposed to know?)

* The Road by Cormic McCarthy

I was ordered to buy this book by the only person on the planet who is allowed to order me around. And I'm glad she did. I could have read this book in a two hour sitting, it flows quickly. But I didn't, and I'm glad I slowed down. The future is bleak in this post-apocolyptic tale. We've destroyed our world and the people who survived quickly gave up or were destroyed by those who rose to "power" by making sure they were the top of the food chain. The story followed as son and his father as they try to make their way to the coast, because maybe it will be better there. Maybe. The love and sacrifice the father feels for his son is abundant as with the complete trust this little boy has in his dad. This book might break your heart. Might give you an insight to loneliness. Or it might just be a good indication of what we're creating for our future generations.

*A Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut

What I wouldn't give to be able to write like Kurt Vonnegut. The man was brilliant and I truly believe will become one of the great American writers that should become required reading in schools. In a perfect worlds, perhaps. No, truly, he is amazing. This book wasn't long but I wished it had never ended. This book is just a collection of thoughts and tiny stories as theories from the mind of Vonnegut. It's not a novel, it's not fiction, it's not meant simply for entertainment. Vonnegut has given up on the human race, and after reading this book it's hard not to sympathize with that mindset. We did screw up. Big time. The question is, will we be able to fix it? God, I hope so. I really do.

So there you have it, books to read. Incase you were bored, and needed somone to guide you in the right direction. I have more books, but I'm thinking I'll save those for a later time. Besides, I'm not even finished with a couple of them yet.

Pet Peeves

2009-03-05T20:09:00.000-08:00

Established: Birth. I'm assuming I've always been easily annoyed.

A list of things that drive me ballistic.
Take heed.

1. Adults who talk/type like babies and think it's cute.
2. PeoPle WhO TypE lIkE ThIS.
3. Static electricity in clothes.
4. Only children. Or those who act like only children. If you're foolishly going to have a kid, you better have two!
5. Texts/typing things such as: u (you); luv (love); cuz (because); r (are) ur (your)....
6. Someone who thinks they can outdo me in the sarcasm game. Yeah-freaking-right.
7. Two and a Half Men.
8. Texting in a theater.
9. Seeing bad parents. Some people simply shouldn't reproduce.
10. Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly or anyone on FOX News.
11. Pop-ups. A classic.
12. The shampoo and conditioner bottles not depleting at the same rate.
13. Constant advice and holier-than-thou attitudes.
14. People who have to continually one-up you.
15. Late or early public transportation.
16. Sincere pity.
17. Mixing up they're, their and there.
18. People who've forgotten how to play. Or judge those that still know how to play.
19. Advertising every freaking event or feeling or stupid picture on facebook/myspace/livejournal......
20. Routines.
21. Quoting lyrics instead of uniqueness.
22. Commas.
23. Being expected to finish on the number 0. Same goes for setting alarms, microwaves and copies....if I can get away with it.

Sometimes the excessive amount of people watching I do reminds me why a good portion of every year I become a recluse. And then there are those times when I see a woman who radiates complete and utter joy that I remember why I keep watching.

Samantha: An American Girl

2009-02-22T01:14:00.000-08:00

Established: 1986

Due to the awesomeness that is wikipedia.org I have just learned that the Samantha line of American Girl dolls is going to be archived and is no longer being sold.

Being a once proud owner of said doll I feel I must write out my ode here.

It's been years since I've played with my doll but it must be stated that when I did play with her I played so intensely and so frequently that I have been forgiven for my years of neglect. Because she is still very real and has feelings. And is probably furious at me for storing her in a box under the stairs....

Samantha Parkington was the doll whose story was set just after the turn of the century. She's an orphan raised by her wealthy Victorian grandmother. And her best friend is a poor child worker. But it's okay, because her Aunt and Uncle eventually adopt her and her best friend!!

Looking back I cannot recall why it was this particular doll that I wanted so badly. I begged for her for years and only wanted her accessories for birthday, Christmas and presents of bribery. I adored this doll and all of her fabulous dresses and accessories. I even collected modern accessories too! (for when I wasn't in the mood to recreate history).

So Samantha, it looks as though you're being replaced by the rest of the line of new American Girl dolls, as if they matter. You were one of the first dolls. You were my only doll and I loved the freaking crap out of you (romantic, eh?).

Although I don't collect anything of yours anymore, I promise to not collect any other doll's crap. And you, Samantha dearest, will always remain my favorite childhood toy.

There you have it. My romantic ode to my favorite doll.

Not a Fine Whine.

2009-02-18T18:09:00.000-08:00

Established: Friday. Saturday is when it got bad.

With almost 17,922 cold sores swelling up my face to the point of unrecognizable misery I do not feel the need to be witty, or even come up with an idea other than how horrible I feel/have felt/will probably still feel tomorrow.

I've been bed ridden for several days now.

I've washed my sheets multiple times because each time the fever breaks, I'm certain it is going to be the last. I am always wrong, it seems.

I have two ear infections.

I have no food, nor any energy to go grocery shopping. I cannot send a proxy.

I've missed far too much work.

I've watched an ungodly amount of online television due to the fact that I've been practically quarantined to my room, with occasional visits to the bathroom and kitchen.

On the bright side, my boss said I've lost some weight from this bought of illness (the worst I've had in years). Too bad it'll all come back when I'm able to eat real food again. Also, let it be known that I've been craving EVERYTHING. Especially in the middle of the night when the sick insomniac isn't sleeping.

My head hurts. Probably not as much as the cluster of fever blisters though. As if it wasn't enough to be extremely weak, dizzy, slightly nauseous, ultra pale, and dark circles under my eyes --my body needs to exhibit not one, but five, fever blisters as further proof of my illness. Freaking. Great.

In the words of my, once small, cousin, Andrea Hall, " I want my mom."

Trazodone

2009-02-01T17:41:00.000-08:00

Trazodone

First discovered: Late 60's

FDA approved: 1981

Many of my loyal readers know that I often have a difficult time sleeping. I hesitate to self diagnose myself as an insomniac because the term is so loosely thrown around by every person on the planet who sometimes toss and turn during the night. But me, I can go days without sleeping.

Tried Ambien? Sure, and good times ensued but I didn't sleep. I would mix Ambien with NyQuil and Benedryl in an attempt to get a good nights rest. This is when my unofficial doctor/uncle (after a few attempts at other stuff) signed me up for the anti-depressant, Trazodone.

A brief history: Developed in the late 60's (probably as an accident among all the drug creations of that particular decade) in Italy. The only thing to have come out of Italy is pasta, Gucci and womanizers. Cah-ra-zy!

Told you that was brief.

Anyway, it's an anti depressant that is used to make the crazies sleep. I'm not a diagnosed crazy, but apparently I'm not the only one to use this particular drug to help my lack of sleeping. It is officially not approved to be used as only a sleep aid however.

It works. I am careful to take it between the time of 10:11 and 10:11 1/2. Otherwise I wake up too early or have a sleepy hangover for half the day.

Interestingly I have discovered this is also the prescribed medicine for drug addicts going through withdrawal to combat the night terror symptom. Talk about hard core! Also, I'm told this product has a high addiction record. Great! That means I'm screwed. Because I am easily addicted to just about anything I come across. Including tv, people, food, socks, books....

Thus, because I am on the medicine of the recovering, depressed, drug addicts (and am neither), I am pretty much the coolest and most bad ass person on the planet.

You are welcome to bask in my hard core glory.

Window Stalking

2009-01-10T11:37:00.001-08:00

Established: Late Fall, 2008

I'm told that stalking is illegal and creepy. If I cared, I might actually stop. But let it be known, I'm a pro and my stalking infatuation is completely oblivious of my slightly inappropriate thoughts.

The Facts:
-He's totally, totally my type. A.K.A. GORGEOUS

-He has a tattoo on the inside of his right arm. I'm not sure what it is, script perhaps?

-He often wears a blue beanie

-He's a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy

-He uses two macs for his work. One is a desktop and the other is a macbook. Sigh.

-His work desk is a ping pong table. How adorable is that?!

-He has a sharp jawline and a well trimmed beard.

-Looks to be mid 20's and is fit.

-Dark features and wears black framed glasses

Shitty Facts:
-There is a ring on his left hand. It might be on the middle finger. Or regretfully, it might be on the ring finger. I have not yet been able to identify the truth on the matter.

Every weekday around the same time, when I make the daily post run, I pass him. Once I got to pass twice! You see, his internet advertising company is a tenant of my business (we own the place) and he is on the ground floor thus I get to tastefully glance his way as I walk past each and every day. A few times there has been eye contact. Mostly he is busy doing whatever it is he does. I don't mind. I don't like a guy who isn't too easy to catch.

I love him. He just might be the man of my dreams. Perhaps I will keep my readers updated. Perhaps I shall keep him to myself. I remain undecided.

**Post. Script. (That's right, I wrote it out) When searching for a suitable picture to accompany this post most of the pictures I came across were of cats. That's right, house cats. I found this to be amusing.

Ryan Cunningham

2009-01-10T10:55:00.001-08:00

Established: February, 1986 ?
I don't know when he started playing...birth, probably.

Defining genres with titles such as "rawkward" and "awesome core", Ryan Cunningham is hard to categorize. Some tracks are witty at hell, totally random, and some are simply heartbreaking.

As one of the few who have the entire discography the progression is very obvious, from his first album, The Maestro System up to the latest, and easily the most grievous, De Oceaan (the lead instrument is mostly a ukulele and it derives from his semester spent in Amsterdam).

I'm particularly fond of Little King (an obvious and brilliant reference to The Little Prince). This particular album is witty and sincere and I recommend it to everyone who has a great sense of humor. Adam Green, you have competition. While Cunningham might not be as absurdly random as Green, I'd say Cunningham has more depth and sincerity in his music.

The entire discography is rawly recorded, but I don't mind. It's witty as hell and heartbreakingly honest and I can appreciate that.

Cunningham bears his soul within his music. You just have to know how to look.

Best of 2008 (movie edition)

2008-12-31T17:26:00.001-08:00

Starting on: January 1, 2008
Ending on: December 31, 2008

What a year for Hollywood. Huge blockbusters and equally huge accidents...but isn't that how it is every year?

I do apologize for not having seen everything. There were/are a lot of films I wanted to see but just didn't get to it. So I'm sorry if I missed something awesome.

Top 5 Films of 2008

*In no particular order

1. Rachel Getting Married.
I was hesitant about this movie as I had fallen under the misconception that Anne Hathaway shouldn't do anything outside of Disney. I was wrong. I was very wrong. Hathaway shined and I couldn't help but sympathize with the portrayal of her character. This film was simple and simply beautiful. Family drama is around us still and this movie was an intimate look and the love and dysfunction of one family trying to love each other despite their faults. I (almost) got a little teary during one scene, which is saying A LOT.

2. Hamlet 2.
I didn't want to see this. Anything making fun of Shakespeare isn't funny to me as I am a die-hard fan everything Shakespeare. But this film was brilliant. I laughed so hard I believe I cried. I ended up seeing it twice it was so funny. Steve Coogan is so funny I can't even stand it. Even thinking about the movie cracks me up. This movie wonderfully makes fun of everything Hollywood and I couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised.

3. Wall E.
This movie made me want to believe in love. Pixar, once again, proves that it is the powerhouse of animation. A good third of this movie is without dialogue and I still felt more during this movie than most I'd seen throughout the year. It was visually beautiful, the music gorgeous, and the simple story so pure that I truly was moved. I fell in love with a quirky robot this summer, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

4. The Dark Knight.
There was so much hype over this movie that a tiny part of me started to fear that it might fall short. I am ashamed of that part of me because this movie blew me away. The effects, the acting, the story, the philosophical discussions that arose from having seen this movie- everything was brilliant. I applaud the decision of having Maggie Gyllenhaal play Rachel Dawes as Katie Holmes was the only downfall of Batman Begins. It's rare for a sequel to outshine the original, but I think with the combination of Heath Ledger's jaw dropping performance of The Joker and the heartbreaking downfall of Harvey Dent and the moral questions brought up by Batman, that this film might do just that. It just might be better than the first. I could and have watched this film over and over. Don't forget the wonderful returns of the now Commissioner Gorden, Alfred, Scarecrow and Lucius Fox all played by the original actors. I love this movie so much I could go on for days about how much I love this movie.

5. Honestly? I don't have a 5th movie. I can't remember anything that stood out as much as the previous 4 films. You're welcome to pick your favorite from the following:

-Iron Man
A super hero movie (besides Batman) worth cheering for. I loved the wit of Robert Downey Jr. and thought he made a perfectly acceptable Iron Man. The special effects were great. There was good humor and a pretty good story line. Not the best film of the year, but I did enjoy this blockbuster and will probably enjoy it's sequel. :)

-James Bond: Quantom of Solace.
Bond is back, and this time he's heartbroken and pissed. But do you blame him? I certainly don't. The latest Bond film did not lack action. In fact there was so much action that I sometimes got confused at whose ass Bond was currently kicking and why. The story line almost got lost in the action. Still, Daniel Craig definitely draws in a whole new group of Bond fans (myself included) as the man exudes pure ass-kicking sex appeal. Plus he's a good actor and totally believable as the emotionally crippled (?) James Bond. I also thought it a nice touch with all the subtle references to previous Bond flicks.

-Sex and the City
I'll state it right here. Not my favorite movie of the year. It probably shouldn't even be on this list, but it is. simply because I loved the tv show and am paying my respects that way. Welcome back to my life Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha, I've missed you. And once again the girly converstaions of which character best suits your personality may resume. If anyone is curious...I've been declared that I am the Miranda of the group. It's not hard to see why.

Best of 2008 (book edition)

2008-12-31T15:33:00.000-08:00

Began: January 1, 2008
Ends: December 31, 2008

**Let is be known that this list in particular is designed after what I read this year, not when it was released. I don't keep up on the
"hottest" books, I read what I please, thank you very much.

So here it is...

The Top 5 Books of 2008 (that I read during the course of the year)

*Again, in no particular order...and there were many to choose from, this was a good literary year for me*

1. Girls of Riyadh by Rajaa Alsanea.
What a darling of a book that I simply was unable to put down. There are many misconceptions of what it is like to be a woman growing up in Saudi Arabia, especially as an American, and this book was not only well written but a fascinating look into a culture that most have little understanding of. As a woman, it was equally fascinating to try imagine myself growing up in such circumstances and I commend Ms. Alsanea for being brave enough to publish her story and the story of her 3 friends. I adored this book, and you would too.

2. Princess by Jean Sasson.
Continuing with my Arabic theme (I spent several months this year living on the Arabic peninsula, thus influencing my taste in entertainment) Princess makes the top list, but only barely; it was a little bit dramatic but still filled with an insight provided in what it would be like to be a Saudi Princess. I felt that if Ms. Sasson had not written about life in Saudi she would have been a romance writer, that's just how she writes. But the story is great. Simple as that. Each sequel, however, doesn't compare with Princess, and is best left unread.

3. I Am America (and So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert 'n' Crew.
Anyone with an intelligent sense of humor is already aware of Stephen Colbert and I must say his book had me laughing out loud. The book was filled not only with politics (of which I am a junkie) but also just about everything else Mr. Colbert has an opinion on from sex to religion to the media. It is a glorious book. Job well done.

4. TIE On Chensil Beach and Atonement by Ian McEwan.
Ties are allowed in this instance because the author is the same. Mr. McEwan has a gift. Really, he writes beautifully and I am left in awe of the subtlety of his art. His books had such detail, and description that I was instantly there. Almost nothing was left to the imagination because he had so carefully created the scene with such skill that there wasn't a corner of a room that I didn't have to design on my own. Both of these books are amazing. Both sad. I highly, highly recommend both of them.

5. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.
Okay, this was totally my literary accomplishment this year. I finished it in January and I'm still proud of having finished this book unabridged. I don't know what it is about the Russian novelists but they draw me in like no other. Perhaps it is the fact that they don't feel the need to make things happy. Russia seems like a pretty depressing place sometimes, and Tolstoy doesn't hide that from his readers. This book was beautiful and it is a classic for a reason. Although I am unable to relate to the wealthy life, I am able to relate to the disassociation of romance and lack of contentment that surrounded Anna Karenina's endeavors. I love, love, love this book and wouldn't be surprised if it becomes be one of those books I read over and over again.

Honorable Mentions...

- Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut.
My first book by Mr. Vonnegut and I must say I really enjoyed it. It was very cleverly written and flowed so easily that it wasn't long before I realized that I'd read well over 100 pages in one sitting. The idea is very interesting with a wit that sometimes left me chuckling at the absurdity of the dialogue. I enjoyed this book very much and cannot wait to read more of his work.

- Myada, daughter of Iraq by Jean Sasson
Arabic again. I will not apologize. This book was particularly interesting to me because it gave a second hand account of the terror of Saddam Hussein that I simply was unaware of. Myada is an Iraqi woman, with connections to powerful Iraqi people, but it still taken prisoner on some botched up account of treason or something. She tells of the people around her and the tortures she endured. Truly a heart wrenching book of the horrors of some people and the simple faith and endurance of others.

Best of 2008 (album edition)

2008-12-28T18:13:00.000-08:00

Established: January 1, 2008
Ending: December 31, 2008
(Duh.)

TOP 5 ALBUMS OF 2008

*In no particular order because choosing only 5 albums was tough enough*

1. Ra Ra Riot: The Rhumb Line.
Introduced to me early in the year I never really gave much attention to the band until Fall. And since then I haven't been able to turn the band off. It's always on repeat at my house, and that is not a bad thing. This band is spectacular.

2. Tiger Lou: A Partial Print.
I believe I've already written about this specific album, so it's no secret that it's one of my favorites of the year. But let me remind you, if you've foolishly forgotten, this album rocks socks off.

3. Margot & the Nuclear So and So's: (Not) Animal.
A hidden jem among my rather large music collection. Margot & the Nuclear So and So's was playing in the background in my room on a giant playlist of newly added music and it was my friend who stopped the conversation to admire the absolute glory of whatever was playing. Kudos to her because she is right: this is awesome. Both albums.

4. Coldplay: Viva La Vida.
Okay, okay. It's a well known fact that Coldplay is a fantastic band. People who claim to not like this band are just those music elitist jerks who forget to listen to band because it's had the (mis)fortune of becoming popular. Viva La Vida is fabulous and one of those rare albums that is able to transend music genres.

5. Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago.
Perfect for a rainy day, in which there are many in my particular location. This album makes me want to fall in love. And that is reason enough for it to be a top album of 2008.

Honorable Mentions...
-Ani DiFranco: Red Letter Year.
A nice return back to her early work. I'd grown less fond of her newer, jazzier sound but Red Letter Year was more reminiscent of her folkier days. However, it still wasn't able to suck me in as Little Plastic Castle, To the Teeth or Not a Pretty Girl. The song, November 4, 2008 (not featured on the album, but only on her website) is absolutely brilliant. That song, alone, could go down as one of the best songs of the year.

-Firefox AK: If I Were A Melody.
It's hard to follow a debut album of such caliber as Madame, Madame! and If I Were A Melody was a fair attempt but it hold one song that I simply don't like, thus knocking this album off the top 5 list. You can't go wrong with Sweedish Electro-pop, and I will always be particularly fond of the Firefox AK.

Now, according to some Radiohead's In Rainbows was released in early January. But the download phenomenon was in October, 2007. Otherwise, Radiohead would certainly be at the top of the list. They always are, you know.

The Meaning of Christmas

2008-12-10T01:07:00.000-08:00

Established: Oh, I don't know around 0 A.D. or to be politically correct C.E.

I was just presented of the unique problem of explaining the meaning of Christmas to my Chinese roommate.

Explain why 3 smart men would follow a star, she says.

How did a star appear?

What is the difference between a Protestant Jesus and a Catholic Jesus?

What is a manger?

And is The DaVinci Code correct about Jesus being a dad? (Explain to me what this has to do with Christmas at all, but this was only one question on the paper she gave me. It also asked the difference between Muslims and Christians, how old Israel is, and when the Crusades were) (?!?!?!)

Oh dear. Trying to briefly explain this story that is simply known among most is quite a challenge, added to the challenge of simply understanding each other.

Discussing "Christmas Foods" was interesting as I couldn't think of a typical main dish. Mostly cakes, cookies and gingerbread everything. She proceeded to tell that those types of food are what Americans eat every day. How does she know!? She's Chinese who eat microwaved hot pockets every day! How dare she mock Eggnog!

Discussing Santa was a delicate subject. I was completely stumped when asked why his suit was red. Red? I don't know, it just is. Is it because he's jolly? But no, I cannot say this to a person where red represents Communism. Santa a Communist?! Heaven forbid!

Mostly I think Christmas should be celebrated year round, religious connotation not withstanding, she doesn't want to participate in the general happiness and cheer and goodwill of Christmas though. She, as a Commy, mostly wants to distribute the presents and have no days off and destroy the cheer out of every child's heart.

An interesting conversation to say the least.

Teeth Brushing

2008-11-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

Established: Certainly not by the British

Okay, everyone (hygienic) knows that maintaining good brushing habits is the easiest way of keeping your Dentist bill to a minimum. I, of course, agree.

I recommend it, in fact. There is nothing worse than someone with horrible teeth. Talk about a turn off! Don't even get me started on bad breath....I'm sure there are horror stories to last a lifetime...

However, it should be stated that there are rules when it comes to brushing teeth.

1. Wash the spit down the drain. No one wants to continually look at that. Especially if the sink is blue and the white spit shows up magnificently.

2. If living in close quarters with someone, do not use an electric toothbrush when the other person is sleeping. That is just rude.

3. Do not use toothbrush as a tool to induce vomiting. A finger is better. Using a toothbrush is just gross.

4. Getting the foam all over your mouth is not a problem, unless you choose to wipe off the foam/spit with a public towel. Seriously? Are you that oblivious? That is what the sink water is for.

5. Probably the most disturbing of them all. DO NOT CHOKE YOURSELF WHILE BRUSHING. Choke? Is that the word I am looking for? I mean an action that is similar to coughing up a hairball, except from a human. Is she choking herself? I cannot be certain. I only know, it's loud (it wakes me up), and quite disturbing. And habitual. This isn't a once in a while occurrence, if only I could be so lucky, this is 2-5 times with every brushing. The girl hacks up....something...every freaking day, several times a day.

So, when choosing to brush, again, which I highly suggest, please follow these easy guidelines. The world will be a better place. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience here.

Small Sins

2008-11-29T23:47:00.001-08:00

Self-Titled
Released: June 13, 2006

Small Sins has been out for a few years now. I've had them on my computer for several months, and have been actively obsessed for a good 6 months now and that obsession still continues strong.

This band could easily be mistaken for yet another Indie-pop band, but if you do, you are a fool. This band is fantastic. Not only are they mellow, the lyrics fantastic, and catchy as hell but they are unique and simply, adorable.

I wish I could get a specific song to showcase just what I mean, but picking a favorite would be impossible. I am in love with tracks 1 though 11 equally.

A bonus: Despite having great, insightful lyrics, I'm not assaulted with overly emo lyrics. Thankfully, Chris Carrabba did not have any influence on this album.

Not a review. Just a question.

2008-11-25T15:41:00.000-08:00

Here's a zinger for you.
Just because I like debates.

You're against homosexual marriage.
You know, for the children.
Are you also against the adoption of children by homosexuals too?
Because being in orphanages, on the streets, and generally neglected is infinitely better, right?

Most importantly, the sacred institution of marriage won't be redefined or anything.

A Partial Print

2008-11-24T20:45:00.001-08:00

Tiger Lou
A Partial Print
Released: October 28, 2008

As a fan for years, my expectations were high. I love this man, truly, I do. His latest album far from disappoints.

A Partial Print certainly strays far from his early, solo days but I do not mind. His music has matured into something I can continue to grow with as I grow and change. It does not get old for me nor does it become something too emo; an embarrassing admittance from my past.

As for this album, I have not found a track I do not enjoy. The flow is natural the beats are catchy and complex.

Tiger Lou is a band not to be overlooked! And I recommend his latest album to anyone who likes good music.

Twilight (the film)

2008-11-23T19:01:00.000-08:00

Twilight.
Released: November 21, 2008

Ah yes, the much anticipated film of every heterosexual female and a few not so heterosexual males. ...I mean, have you seen that jawline?!

Well. Hmm. What to say? Shall I start with the good? Edward, Robert Pattinson, is attractive. His American accent doesn't suck. He's really damn good looking. Bella, Kristen Stewart, has a deep, non-girly voice --she's also not as whiney as in the books. That's a plus.

But holy crap the teen angst. I couldn't get over the constantely staring at each other. From this movie I can only detuct that love must be shown with long semi-awkward stares. I shall have to take that into practice with my own life.

The director was a joke. If this movie was supposed to bring upon inappropriate giggles, then she succeeded admirably. Even I, with my off the wall sense of humor, couldn't come up with something like that. The camera angles were dizzying and constantely circling the young, misunderstood, lovers. Combined with the oh-so-dramatic electric guitar this movie should go down in history.

No really, the directing was terrible. If a sequel is to be made, a new director and sound editor should be hired. Perhaps a writer too. It got a little cheesy there.

If you choose to see this movie, take a few motion sickness pills. Perhaps a barf bag. Also a teen, perhaps they can explain it to me...is love really like this?

HOWEVER Edward is attractive.
Really, that jawline does it to me every time.

Decision '08

2008-11-04T17:32:00.000-08:00

Vote.
Really, just do it.

Make sure to vote for the right candidate, however.

You really don't want me to cut you out. And I will. I will.

UPDATE: With 338 to 163 win. The right decision was made. (I don't care what you think) and it turns out that no one need to be cut out of my life no matter who you voted for.

Emergen C

2008-10-25T18:30:00.000-07:00

Released: Not long ago? I don't know. I don't care enough to research.

Emergen C was recommended to me on the basis of me complaining of a scratchy throat. 'It will prevent you from getting really sick,' I was told. Thus I bought a pack. 1,000mg of Vitamin C? That's got to do a world of good. Or so I thought.

I mixed up a small packet that night in a large glass of cold water. And then I proceeded to choke it down, fooled by the "berry" flavor. It had an aftertaste that left little to be desired. Every swallow was followed by a shudder.

Suffice it to say, I did this 3 times a day for 2 days until a coworker saw me suffer through a glass and told me that taking it hot was far tastier. Desperate to try anything to make this intolerable, healthy, drink, better I tried it. She was right. It became...dare I say, enjoyable?

So, now that I was sufficiently pumped with a copious amount of vitamins in me I was sure to beat the oncoming cold. False. I caught it. Perhaps I would have caught a far worse version had I not O.D.'d but I'm still not convinced that this played any part in my recovery. It might be a mind game. I might not have caught it soon enough. It might just be a brilliant brain wash of everyone around me. Thus, I remain undecided. I took it. I have a ka-trillion vitamins inside me, and I still caught this stupid ailment.

Segway rent-a-cops

2008-10-01T23:48:00.000-07:00

Released: In the millennium sometime. You know, walking, for the future.

In my wandering of my new city I have found a new love. Yes, the Portland City Mall Cops. You see, they ride on Segway's. With helmets. It's truly spectacular.

I can honestly say I feel safer knowing that my new city is out there to keep all evil away by chasing them down on their Seways. They go 12-freaking-miles-an-hour! Try keeping up with that, bad guys!

In my observations, they obey all sidewalk laws, are usually overweight and are increasingly a common sight around campus despite my having no idea if there is an actual mall in the near vicinity.

They have a pouch on the front of the "vehicle" that I hope is a replacement for a basket. I would keep treasures in there. And handcuffs.

Could there be anything more glorious than middle aged cops on Segways? And the answer is a firm no. No, there cannot.

Dorm Living

2008-09-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

Established: To unite and torture students.

Ah university housing. A cheap way of pushing you all together in an effort to meet new people, who are just like you!

Sure, its an option. For me, it was my only option. But know this - I am not jumping on my over sexed twin sized bed with the bubbles in my overly coordinated room. Far from.

Currently, I am sitting in an overhead of the lobby listening to the loud crazies, in an attempt to be nice to my roommate who is sleepy. I am not. I am already foreseeing a year long struggle.

I am not being pushed into an environment into where I'm meeting all sorts of different people from different cultures...I am being pushed into an orgy of 18 year old, giggly, complete stupidity. There was a reason I avoided this. I wonder how I could have forgotten.

In my case, it would help if I were blind, deaf and had no sensory what-so-ever. Oh, and I wasn't in fear of catching some fatal disease. Then, in that case, this place would get two, big, non-feeling thumbs up from me!

Here's the verdict. I had to do it. I'm new. I don't know anyone. Nor do I know my way around. The people that are paid to stand at the desk are annoyingly cheerful in answering whatever questions I have BUT that doesn't mean I have to like it.

They say you have to chalk it up to college experience. Well I better get one hell of a job from this!

Mommy

2008-09-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

Mama.
Established: Halloween day. (I shall refrain from mentioning the year out of politeness for my ridiculously young ma)

My mother mentioned to me that she doesn't comment on my blog because of my biting remarks. How can she not realize that I would never be intentionally mean to my own motha? I'm just really sarcastic. But she's cool enough to know the difference.

So here is why my mom is super awesome.
1. She's pretty damn neat.
2. She can take a good joke, just don't scare her...she'll hit.
3. She's really naive about some things...and that's funny.
4. She gets the uncontrollable crazies after midnight. Really, its hard to describe how funny she goes. It often renders me speechless.
5. I've never heard of a more protective mother when it comes to her cubs than mine. Watch out all you wrong doers! My mother will tear you to pieces.
6. She pretends she doesn't know great her ass looks in her new jeans.
7. She has Feist as a ringtone.
8. She's ridiculously cheery.
9. She'll humor me when I beg her to to admit I am the product of an affair and or adoption.
10. And finally, she'll never admit it aloud, but I've seen it in her eyes: I'm her favorite.

So there you have it. A short list of why my mom is cooler than yours. You might think otherwise, that you have a cool mom, but you'd be wrong.

Sarah Palin

2008-09-05T04:47:00.000-07:00

Republican V.P. Candidate.
Announced: August 29, 2008

I just watched Ms. Palin's acceptance speech during the Republican Convention, belated yes, but seeming as I haven't yet read any media bias on the matter, I feel as if I watched it live. Oh the joys of the internet.

Anyway, she gave a great speech. She sure rallied the floor. Kudos to her. She's also a family woman. She's the mama of a soldier, a down's baby, and a pregnant teen. Quite the family history there. Impressive.

Here are my qualms: her speech was smug as hell. I thought the Republicans were trying to promote her innocence within the big political world outside of Alaska. I don't know how they are going to pull that off now. She, naturally, took many stabs at the Obama/Biden campaign but her facts seemed to be a bit off as she claimed Mr. Obama intends to raise taxes of all Americans when in actuality he intends to cut taxes to most Americans only intending to raise the taxes of those who make over a quarter of a million a year. She took a biting stab insinuating those who are organizers of communities are those who are unable to lead. (Obama was a city organizer in Chicago). It is my understanding that many cities would fall apart without the aid of those who donate their time in such a manner. That wasn't a wise statement in my oh-so-humble opinion.

Also, she claimed to fight big oil companies. Her husband works for the oil companies and she wants to drill in Alaska. By fight does she mean negotiate a deal? Perhaps she should have worded that better.

Side note: I read somewhere she wouldn't put polar bears on the endangered species list. That just pisses me off. How can she not care about the polar bears?! Has she not seen the Planet Earth segment about the polar bears?

She is pretty though. She looks human unlike the oddly plastic, pill popping Cindy McCain. Ohh, that was harsh. Plastic surgery is perfectly acceptable now a days, Jess and you obviously don't know how necessary 20 pills a day are when your husband is running for President!

Anyway, I should, technically, withhold my judgments until the Vice President debate at the end of the month, but it might be obvious where my favors lie. I fail to remain objective. Oh well. That being said, I don't like Sarah Palin and this speech only irritated me further.

2 posts in 1 night. I don't sleep. Its much more productive this way. Apparently.

Allergies

2008-09-05T01:12:00.000-07:00

Established: When the earth met the sky.

Ah yes, its allergy season once more and I, for one, am far from immune. Apparently I'm a sufferer of all the typical symptoms from the embarrassing series of sneezes to the uncontrollable leakage of the eyes.

So those who are pained with this awful affliction are not only not feeling at their best but also looking less than presentable. The runny nose, the red, puffy eyes, random sneezes and itchy everything. It is not one bit enjoyable or in the slightest bit funny.

I see no point in allergies. I do not feel I am ridding my body of anything unworthy by sneezing two dozen times repeatedly. What is my body fighting? The air? Ah yes, I can see how that would be bad for me. Must get rid of that immediately.

Here is my review plain and simple: Allergies suck. There is nothing good whatsoever about this time in my (and many others) life. As usual, only the pharmaceutical companies benefit but only when I can drag my swollen unsightly self out of my room to get to a pharmacy in which to purchase these "cures." From all the medicine and the countless bottles of eye drops I pour into my eyes I have yet to feel any sort of improvement.

Do not get allergies. Avoid it at all costs.
That is my advice. You're a first class idiot if you ignore it.

Crash

2008-09-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

Paul Haggis
Released: 2004

I've seen Crash before. The first time was with my two roommates where I sat on the floor with my back to the couch trying to hide the steady stream of tears.

I did not cry this time, but it didn't lessen the impact this film has on me, internally. I intended to watch this film objectively for the sake of my mother who mentioned some desire to see this film. I wanted to watch it and be able to give her my honest, yet guarded opinion especially concerning the language of the film.

You see, I am completely desensitized to cursing to the point that I cannot remember if there was any at all in the film. Cursing, to my mother, can ruin the film entirely. But where is the line drawn? How are you supposed to depict something intended to be accurate and heartbreakingly real yet edit it so as not to alienate any potential movie goers? I simply don't know.

It seems to me, that the movies that should be required are the ones that people will refuse to see based on the fact that it might be too offensive.

Crash takes place over 2-3 days with several, major character plot lines all interweaved with each other. All deal with a form of racism or another. All are heartbreaking in their own way. It brings up many different forms from going against the facts to prove that you're not a racist, to screaming at the hired help, to stereotypes, to abuse of public power, to many others.

This is a movie meant to leave you thinking and I think Crash accomplishes that goal. Perhaps it might even make you think twice before making a simple judgement or remark. I don't know, perhaps its just wishful thinking on my part.

Breaking Dawn

2008-09-01T23:26:00.000-07:00

Breaking Dawn
Stephenie Meyer
Released: August 2, 2008

I finished this atrocity awhile ago. I am still reeling from wasting my night and obviously need to rant about this waste of space on my overly crowded bookshelf.

I wanted to like this book. In fact I was pretty sure I was going to like this book because, admittedly and shamefully I was sucked into the first three. I refrained from showing up at all those midnight release parties but it must be said that I probably read this faster than all those Tweens who did.

Reading this book left an awful taste in my mouth. Ms. Meyer originally created this world and it seemed to me that during Breaking Dawn she completely changed those dynamics. I like change don't get me wrong, but I also like people to stick with what they originally say. If you don't know something, don't say anything. Now I hear Ms. Meyers is going back and claiming that her fans misquoted her or something. Way to alienate the reason you are famous.

I suppose in a way this was a good read because it finally opened my eyes that Ms. Meyer is not a good writer. Creative, yes. The writing was mediocre at best and the editing was abysmal and I sincerely believe someone should have been fired for the release of this book. It must be said that my attachment to the original three has pretty much been destroyed because of the utter absurdity of this collection of wasted ink.

The plot was absurd. I didn't even mind the teenage wedding or the cheesy one-liners to tell you the truth, but the characters themselves did a 180 degree change so as to fit this weird idea that didn't seem to stay true to the characters themselves. I best not describe why or else I would be here forever but the entire story was bizarre at best.

It was my belief that the entire point of Breaking Dawn was that Bella was going to have to make a sacrifice for Edward. We already knew that Edward hated himself for having to put her in that position (which he seemingly forgot in this book) but luckily for Bella she got everything she wanted. *insert angels rejoicing* Rosalie doesn't hate her anymore. She has a baby. Jacob is still around (I still am unable to believe that a werewolf (who isn't even a werewolf?!) could imprint on a half vampire, their mortal enemies) the Volturi will leave the Cullen Coven alone for awhile and of course, Charlie is okay with the whole thing. Bella did not have to sacrifice a single thing. How wonderfully perfect. *gag*

If I wanted to read a book where everything was ridiculously anticlimactic I would have stuck to my sister's elementary school collection of joke books. At least those would have brought on a chuckle or two.

Faciination

2008-08-31T23:43:00.000-07:00

The Faint.
Released August 5, 2008.

With almost every album The Faint releases it is almost impossible not to find yourself subconsciously dancing along. Faciination doesn't disappoint. Even currently, my toes are tapping along to the beat.
But those familiar to the sound of The Faint should not be surprised as their sound is easily identified due to strong beats, strange lyrics, and unique use of electronics. For the most part Faciination doesn't stray too far from their familiar (yet strange) sound except for the obvious vocal monotony of "Falcrum and Lever" but I find myself particularly drawn to the final track on the album: "A Battle Hymn for the Children."
This track in particular has a strong pull yet is almost haunting. And then you listen to the lyrics. I do not associate The Faint with serious lyrics especially following the album Wet From Birth. But this song can only be described as bleak and haunting leaving me with goosebumps.

All in all, a danceable album from start to finish filled with irony and wit. I expected a lot the first time I put on this new album and I'm not disappointed.

Disclaimer:

2008-08-31T23:31:00.000-07:00

I read a lot. I listen to even more music. I am overly confident.
Be prepared.

It should be duly noted that this blog is solely mine. And it should also be noted that my opinion is probably better than yours. If you're offended, turn away.

I want to work for a Publishing House someday and seeming as my thoughts will someday determine the outcome of many books, I figured it was high time I got started on sharing said thoughts.

This blog is meant for reviews. Expect nothing personal.
Expect biting sarcasm and cynicism.
Expect gold.
(My opinion is that good.)